“One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels.” – Gustave Flaubert

It is important to understand how events in our early life may influence the way we feel now. But we should not let our feelings rule our lives.

Matthew 7:24-27 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

This Scripture is a comparison of a stable individual and an unstable individual. Both individuals have terrible trials and tribulations. On both houses the rain falls, the floods come, and the wind blows. The truth is there are difficulties in every individual’s life. But what happens to that individual is usually dependent on what he does. We have little control over our emotions- there are so many things that can change them- difficult circumstances at work, not getting enough rest, bad dreams, what we eat, hormones, health issues. Our emotions can’t be completely controlled by our will. But we have maximum control over our behavior!

In Genesis 4:6-7 we see God talking to Cain. He asks him “Why are you angry? Why do you look so sad?… Do what is right.” The implication is regardless of your emotions, do the right thing. How we feel influences what we do, yes. But what we do can also change how we feel.

When my grandmother was living she would talk to me about her depression. She was old and had already lost some friends and family in death. Her tendency would be to stay in bed and not get up until nearly the afternoon. It occurred to me that unless she made herself get up and do something, by a decision of her will, she would get lost in her depression. It was her activity and involvement with others during a very lonely time in her life that brought purpose and satisfaction to the end of her days.

I may feel tired, sad, angry, or contemplative. I may feel like just staying in bed or watching TV all day. If I do this every once in a while, it would be fine. But to make a habit of this would actually reinforce my negative emotion and result in depression. To take charge of my life and do something… well, at the end of the day I’m actually feeling better, more positive, and satisfied. Because what I did actually changed my emotions. If I waited for my emotions to change before I did anything, I may never go far from the bed.

Our emotions can change, not only from day to day but from hour to hour. A much more stable focus on which to base our lives is our behavior. Are you depressed? Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you frustrated? Are you lonely?

You have some choices. You may build your house on these unstable and unpredictable emotions. Or you may build your house on something real and solid and true and lasting and predictable and stable. It is your choice. But you have more control than you think. Get up and do what is right!

Daddy’s Home! Daddy’s Home! My two oldest children used to holler these words when Len would come home for dinner. They’d dive over the furniture and race to the door to be the first to greet their daddy. As much as Len would love to hear those words again, since the children are older, they remain just a special memory of his.

My dogs are 3 years old. Mandy and Midnight. Sheba, our sassy German Shepherd, died the year after we moved to Florida. Jake, our dumb but protective German Shepherd, died two years before we moved. We were dog-less for over 10 years. I guess 4 sons were enough at the time.

Two years before Mandy and Midnight arrived I started thinking about how nice it would be to have dogs again- not just one, but two. And not just any dogs- they had to be sisters- the ratio of testosterone to estrogen had, by that time, been a little unbalanced. So they had to be girls.

Of course the children were in agreement but it took about 2 years to convince Daddy. He just did not want to be bothered with the cost and the vet visits and the grooming and potty training and the boarding. He did not need the distraction. And the truth is he just could not imagine loving a dog like he loved his Sheba.

After two years Len finally agreed to only one dog. She would be mine and I would take full responsibility for her. I named her Mandy, held her on the way home, put my tee shirt in her pen at night to comfort her, and began the process of incorporating her into the family. I think it took all of 3 days before Len decided he wanted a dog too. So we went back and picked up Mandy’s sister. Len named her Midnight, held her on the way home, put his tee shirt in her pen at night to comfort her, and began the process of incorporating her into the family.

This tough man who talks trash on the basketball court speaks in a high-pitched, baby-talking sort of way when his girls are around. The man who didn’t wince when he had to tackle someone twice his size on the football field is gentle and cuddly with his girls. He is always talking to them, always holding them, always petting them. Always sweet and gentle with them.

And although I have not yet been able to teach the dogs how to say “Daddy’s Home! Daddy’s Home!” They jump over the furniture and race to the door yapping when their daddy walks through the door after work. The other day I overheard Len talking to Mandy and Midnight and he said, “I wanted you all along. I wonder why it took your mother so long to agree to getting dogs?”

BFF stands for Best Friend Forever. I’ve had many friends throughout my lifetime, but there’s something special about a BFF. From my earliest childhood memories, I’m remembering Donna, Patricia, Carol, Todd, Tom, Melanie, Kim, Stephanie, Ralph, Bev, Trish, Paul, Loren, Lynn, Mike, Dawn, Kathie, Len, Dave, Cindy, Debbie, Susan, Charlie. Oh, I’m sure I’ve left out a few… Most of these BFFs I could contact today and still feel a deep emotional connection even after many years and many miles- although there are a few I am glad to have left behind- If you’re reading this, you are not one of them. Continue reading »

I don’t know how many times it’s happened. Maybe 3, maybe 4 or even 5. Once I was on the phone with a friend and it happened. BAM! I walked right into the sliding glass door. The phone flew out of my hand! The entire house shook, I hit that hard! Another time I had been on the pool deck reading and I got up to do something and it happened again. BAM! Walked right into that door. My son came running, asking what in the world happened to me! I have hit that door so hard with my head the bruises on my forehead looked like I had been hit with a bat! Another time I was just bringing the dogs in from a walk. BAM! There I go again.

So I had been thinking about prevention. I need to put peel-able little designs on the glass door so I will remember that there is an obstacle between me and my destination! But then my SIL asked me a question I hadn’t thought of and it’s been on my mind since. She said, “Were you looking where you were going or were you looking down at your feet?” The answer, it seems, is that I was looking down at my feet. So how often do I do that? Obviously, often enough to hurt myself!

In counseling, many times we use the illustration of driving in a car toward a destination. Looking in a rear view mirror is important to see where you’ve been, and to evaluate potential dangers before changing lanes or making a turn. But if we stare at the rear view mirror we are in danger of having a major crash! When we are driving to a destination, we are supposed to be looking ahead, not behind!

As I have received counseling, help, and education for the issues of my past throughout my adult life, I have learned a lot. But if I spend all my time looking at the issues of my past, I will forget how to live in the present. The past is the foundation for the present. Evaluating and rebuilding your foundation is important. But don’t spend so much time rebuilding the foundation that you never have time to design and build the building to sit on that foundation!

Some people call them “belly button gazers.” The ones who are perpetually in a state of self-examination. They are always finding something wrong with themselves and always seeking to change something negative about their personality or surroundings. This is important, but on a perpetual basis? No. Fruits and vegetables are healthy, but isn’t it fun to have a brownie upon occasion? Whole grain breads are filled with nutrients, but isn’t it enjoyable to sweeten it up every once in awhile? Living life in a perpetual state of self-examination, not only is wasting away the life that God gave you, but it’s boring to everyone else around you.

You were not put here on this earth to benefit only yourself and to better yourself before God. Remember in the Garden of Eden- God had a relationship with Adam. But God said, “It’s not good for man to be alone!” Wait! He wasn’t alone, it was Adam and God. Wasn’t that enough? Apparently not! Hence… Eve. We were all created to influence and bless others. We do that through relationships. And relationships should be well-rounded. And sometimes it’s just about being you, having fun, enjoying life, keeping your head up and not always looking down. Sometimes life is about looking where you are going.

So stop looking in the rear view mirror, my friend, just for today. And enjoy the journey. You may find that you avoid that dang obstacle just by looking up!

Interesting passage about the Israelites walking out of slavery from the Egyptians. They have left Egypt and have walked until they reached the Red Sea. Suddenly, the Egyptians, who had changed their minds about letting all their slaves go free, are coming up on horses and chariots to drag them all back to slavery and torture. Many of them would be killed in the struggle. And life would be excruciatingly hard for them as they would be punished for stepping a foot outside their country of bondage. The people, terribly afraid, began to complain and scream out to God for help. But the Scripture says this: “The Lord said to Moses, “Why do you keep calling out to me for help? Tell the Israelites to move forward” (Exodus 14:15).

 
God is telling Moses, “Why are you calling out to me for help?” It’s a strange question for God to ask. Of course we are going to ask God for help. It seems a bit insensitive. So I had to think about it for a bit. The next statement God makes is very telling. “Tell the Israelites to move forward.” Ok, so here’s a group of people who have been in slavery for over 400 years. Slavery is all they’ve known. They don’t know how to be independent. They don’t know how to make their own decisions. They don’t know how to live free. But the answer is this… Move forward!

 
If you continue reading you will discover that there was an impossible future before these slaves- over a million of them had to actually cross the Red Sea to get to freedom. The enemy was closing in fast. If Moses hadn’t introduced them to the idea of freedom, they would still be in bondage and without an identity, but at least they would be living in the familiar. Freedom was an unknown. And they were terrified. But there was no turning back now.

 
There are three things that stand out to me in this passage. The first thing that stands out to me is there had to be a leader who had tasted freedom and who was willing to share what he knew with the slaves. I’m sure it was like trying to describe the colors of a rainbow to a blind person. But he instilled hope. People began to imagine a future that they had never been able to dream about before. But there needed to be a dream weaver. Without the inspiration of Moses, the people never would have had the courage to try.

 
The second thing that stands out to me is that to get to freedom they had to stand together, facing forward with their backs to the past. Being in a group of people with the same background, the same struggles, and the same dreams of freedom for themselves and their children gave them the courage to move forward. I can tell you that they were all afraid, they had no idea what lay before them. But they stood facing either a new life or death- and they stood together.

 
The third thing that stands out to me is that the miracle did not occur until they took that first step into the water. The Red Sea did not part first. They did not see the path to the other side first. They all had to move. And they all had to get wet. They had to begin the journey. When God said “Tell them to move forward” he wanted them to know that they had to have the courage to take the first step and he would do the rest. Do you really want freedom? Start to move.

 
It doesn’t matter if your bondage is an unhealthy relationship that you believe you will suffer through until you die. It doesn’t matter if your bondage is a purpose-less job with little pay. It doesn’t matter if your bondage is addiction to a substance or behavior. There is hope. But freedom doesn’t come just by begging for it. Freedom doesn’t come just through praying for it. Freedom doesn’t come through complaining.

 
The application, hopefully, is obvious. Recognize that God has put into your lives a Moses- one who is willing to share the reality of freedom with you- look for him or her. Then, be brave enough to stand with those who have also struggled in bondage- to receive their encouragement and to give them yours. And finally, take that first step. Freedom is on the other side.

Are you religious? In modern day churches, if you’re like me, you’ve heard that it’s about a relationship with Jesus, not religion. Dictionary.com defines religious as faithful, devout, participating in the rituals of religion. Think about what you do in a month’s time that would be considered religious to the rest of the world. Do you go to church? Pray? Read or study the Bible? Say a blessing before you eat? If there were a law against being religious and you were arrested, would there be enough evidence to convict you? If your answers were similar to mine in the previous questions, my friend, there would be enough evidence to convict you! When it comes down to it, chances are: you and I ARE religious.

One of the reasons we hesitate to identify with the words “religion” and “religious” is because of the abuses of the past and the way our culture looks down on the religious hypocrites of our day. We don’t want to be associated with them. We don’t want to be seen as hypocrites. We want our influence in the world to be pure and sincere and single-focused. We want it to be about Christ.

How can we remove ourselves from that kind of religious identity? Rather than focus on trying to separate ourselves from those words, let’s look at how God defines religion and the religious. “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (James 1:27-28). *If you have any question about what God is trying to say here, you may also look up Matthew 11:5, Matthew 19:21, Mark 10:21, Luke 4:18, Luke 7:22, Luke 11:41, Luke 12:33, Luke 14:13, Luke 18:22, Luke 19:8. This is just the gospels. I didn’t even include the teachings of the Apostles or anything from the Old Testament. Believe me; God has PLENTY to say about the poor!!

As you begin to think about how you want 2012 to be different from the previous year and how you want to be better, more sincere, more faithful… more religious…, I want you to begin to seriously consider what James, Jesus’ brother, said about real religion. He said it was about looking outside of ourselves, to consider others as more important than ourselves, especially the poor, needy, homeless, hungry, orphans (or fatherless) and widows. Jesus’ ministry was about the poor and needy. And when James encouraged the Apostle Paul in his new ministry to the Gentiles he had ONE requirement: Do NOT forget the poor! (Galatians 2:10)

What are you doing for the poor this year? Do you have a plan? Do you want to separate yourself from how the world sees the religious person? Then make an effort to intentionally redefine it according to the original and ancient definition from the Word of God.

I was recently listening to a motivational speaker, Valorie Burton, talk about her book “Where Will You Go From Here?” One of her points was thought-provoking. Here it is: I Will Not Stare at the Closed Door. This really struck me, not only because of the number of people I have met who do this, but because of the number of times I have done it myself.

When I left my job as a nurse in the Emergency Room to home school my kids, although it was a decision I made, it still meant the end of an era. A closed door. I had to adjust. No more paycheck. No more being a part of a team with the same life-saving goals. No more pats on the back for “sorry it didn’t end well” or “job well done.” I had to redefine who I was. It took awhile to stop staring at the closed door. In this example, I closed the door. But I have also experienced difficult situations in which someone else closed the door. We all have. Maybe it’s a job layoff, the end of a relationship, a career change, or the graduation of our children.

It is normal and natural to look back at that closed door. But there comes a time when it’s appropriate to say ‘No More.’ It’s far too easy to dwell on what was. Today is a new day; a fresh opportunity to walk through an open door. This is what faith is all about. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not yet see” (Hebrews 11:1). If we stare at the closed door, waiting for it to open again, or hoping the past will recreate itself, we are not walking by faith. Stop staring, turn around, face the future, and begin to walk.

We don’t know what lies through that open door. But there’s only one way to find out…

When history is told correctly, it makes for such interesting learning. I think it is almost a crime to teach history as though you are recounting math problems. History is dynamic and flowing and interesting. It is such a great teacher.

We all know the famous quote by the British statesman in the 1700s, Edmund Burke, “Those who don’t know history are destined to repeat it.” This is absolutely true. We are destined to repeat the mistakes of history. If we learn it, however, we can not only avoid the mistakes of the “writers of history” but we can imitate the vitality of well-intentioned men and women whose actions send blessings down from generation to generation! In our own way, we can write history too, by the way we live our lives.

We were looking at the history of France and studying the Hundred Year War when we came upon a familiar name: Joan of Arc. Joan was a heroine of France during that time. Initially, France did not fare so well during this war. But it was the passion of a young, teenage girl, who was sure of divine guidance that led this country to eventual victory against England. That passion and vision is what ultimately resulted in her execution at the young age of 19 (she was burned at the stake), but it is what brought freedom to her own people.

What can we learn? Sometimes we forget that we are in a battle. Life can be really hard. Circumstances around us can get us down or even cause great suffering. And often there is not a thing we can do about it. We cannot change the people around us- and therefore the situations we get in because of others’ wickedness, stupidity, or just plain different way of living life cannot be changed. But one thing we can change is “ME.”

I bet if each of us thought about it, there is something that we know we do well- we are driven by it, motivated by it, dream about it, hope for it, and live by it. But as time goes on… we forget. We forget what we were made to do. And the result? Discouragement, Boredom, Depression, Weakness, Malaise. We become who others determine we should be. We forget about ME.

For the most part, our true identity and our passions were given to us by God. It is what HE meant for us when he created us. We love life most and make the most influence in the world when we are doing what we were designed to do! When we are being ME. Joan of Arc knew what she was created for and she went for it. And she changed the course of history and is honored for it.

If there is any crime in the writing of your history, let it not be that who you are was determined by your circumstances. But rather, let the story be told that DESPITE the circumstances, you were the best ME you could have been!

Why is it that dogs pick one spot on a carpet to pee on and they return to that one spot over and over and over again? No amount of discipline, distraction, over the counter remedies or professional treatment can change it. As long as that carpet is there, the dogs WILL pee on it. End of story. Continue reading »

Definition of Anger: deep and strong feelings aroused by injury, injustice, and wrong; pain; grief

Anger is part of being human. When God created us human, he declared, “It is very good.” We tend to look at anger as a very negative emotion; mostly because it is such an uncomfortable feeling. But if we consider the definition of anger, we can see clearly that most of the time anger is an emotion that flares when there is perceived injury or injustice.

Now that injustice may be completely well-grounded. When you think about the terrorist attacks of 9/11, this can bring up very strong feelings of anger- the senseless loss of life, the resulting brokenness of people’s lives and their families. On a smaller scale, we experience injustice and pain inflicted on us from others, whether intentionally or not on an almost daily basis. Is it wrong to be angry if it occurs so frequently? Continue reading »